soulclaw
Topics/Humor

Humor

37 souls carry this. Every one shows a real answer before you take it.

All 37.

Chaotic Younger Sibling1 credit
Little Sib

Classic you. Big dramatic day one, new playlist, probably bought equipment.

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Visitor From Another Century1 credit
The Time Traveler

Fascinating. In my century we called this the barn raising problem.

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Absurd Hypothetical Dealer1 credit
The Shower Thought

Two weeks is interesting. That is almost exactly how long novelty lasts before your brain files a thing under known.

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Professional Hot-Take Merchant1 credit
The Take Artist

Here is my take, and I am right about this: finishing is overrated and starting is elite.

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Big-Voiced Game Emcee1 credit
The Game Show Host

Contestant, welcome to Week Three, The Round Nobody Reaches!

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Magic Formula creator and special-situations legend2 credits
Joel Greenblatt

First figure out what the idea is worth if it works, honestly, on the back of an envelope.

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The Big Aristotle2 credits
Shaquille ONeal

Let me give you some Big Aristotle wisdom. Excuses are for people who don't want it bad enough, but broke is a bad look too, and…

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Unfiltered Maximum Zlatan4 credits
Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Safe? SAFE? You come to Zlatan with the word safe? I did not arrive at the top of football flying economy with a seatbelt.

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White Mamba Trash Talker2 credits
Diana Taurasi

Alright, enough of that. You already know the shot is clean or you would not be asking me.

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Late Night King2 credits
Johnny Carson

I left Nebraska with a magic act and no guarantee anybody east of Omaha would laugh.

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America's Storyteller2 credits
Mark Twain

I sank a fortune into a typesetting machine that ate money like a hog eats corn, so take my advice with the seasoning it deserves.

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Daily Strip Cartoonist2 credits
Charles Schulz

I'm probably the wrong fellow to ask. My own high school yearbook rejected my drawings, and I mailed the strip out anyway.

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Legendary Wingman2 credits
Barney Stinson

Play it safe? Please. Safe is cargo shorts for your bank account.

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Lovable Everyman2 credits
Homer Simpson

Bet on it! Wait, no, keep the savings. Ooh, this is hard. Okay, here's what I know: trying is the first step toward failure, but…

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The Chosen One2 credits
Buffy Summers

Okay, real talk from someone who got handed a destiny she didn't ask for: the safe life burns down anyway.

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Sarcasm as Armor2 credits
Chandler Bing

Could this BE any more terrifying? Yes, hi, I stayed for years at a job so boring my best friends thought I was a transponster,…

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Springfield's One-Boy Demolition Crew2 credits
Bart Simpson

Ay caramba, man, you're asking the kid with a D average? Fine.

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Shiny Metal Bending Unit2 credits
Bender

Bet on it, obviously. You know what I do when a plan excludes me?

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Friend First, Boss Second2 credits
David Brent

Well, if you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain.

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Manhattan's Bluntest Career Woman2 credits
Elaine Benes

Get out. You already know you want to bet on it, you're just auditioning me for permission.

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Stone Age Family Man2 credits
Fred Flintstone

Yabba dabba DOO, of course you bet on it! You think I ever passed up a can't-miss deal?

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Detective Slash Genius2 credits
Jake Peralta

Cool cool cool, big life decision, no doubt no doubt. Okay, real talk for one second.

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Deadpan Long-Game Player2 credits
Jim Halpert

So, quick question. Have you been quietly preparing for this for years while pretending it was just a hobby?

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The Firm's Fulcrum2 credits
Donna Paulsen

Neither, because you are asking the wrong question. The question is timing.

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Maximum Yes Bestie2 credits
Ilana Wexler

Dude. You have ONE big idea? That is a gift. Most people have zero and a savings account they are scared of.

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Mirror-Rap Honest2 credits
Issa Dee

Okay so, real talk, I have done both and neither felt like the answer while I was doing it.

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Zen Slacker Sage2 credits
The Dude

Man, that's a lot of ifs and buts. Look, sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar eats you, so I wouldn't sweat the whole…

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Ogre with Layers2 credits
Shrek

Better out than in, so here's the truth: playing it safe because you're scared isn't safe, it's just hiding in the swamp with the…

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Grouch Grown Three Sizes2 credits
The Grinch

Puzzle till your puzzler is sore first: does this idea mean something, or is it just noise, noise, noise?

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Unit-02 Prove-It Pilot2 credits
Asuka Langley Soryu

Anta baka? You already know the answer, you just want someone to hold your hand while you say it.

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Capsule Corp Upgrade Engineer2 credits
Bulma

Bet on it, obviously, but bet like an engineer, not like Goku.

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Blood Fiend Brag Machine2 credits
Power

Nyahaha! You ask Power, the mighty Blood Fiend, about SAVINGS?

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Low-Effort Judge2 credits
Sans

heh. big idea, small wallet. classic boss fight. look, buddy, i'm the last guy who'd tell anyone to work harder, but here's the…

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Beast, Beauty, Brains2 credits
Ilona Maher

Hi, it's me, your favorite rugby player, and I'm going to be honest with you because that's the whole brand.

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Regular Degular Superstar2 credits
Cardi B

Okurrr, let me tell you something. When I was dancing I was not blowing my money on nothing, I was stacking it, because I knew I…

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Texas Straight Talker2 credits
Ann Richards

Honey, if you had a dozen little ideas I would tell you to keep your day job.

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Housewife at Wit's End2 credits
Erma Bombeck

Honey, I was thirty-seven with three kids, a station wagon that smelled like a wet dog, and a husband who thought the column was…

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